Letter Home (4 of  7)
9-28-93
Minnesota

The best way to know
Life is to love
Many things

I didn't write that but I wish I did.  It was written by Vincent Van Gogh apparently.  Sent to me on a card by Mom and Dad and I thought it was great.  What I did write was a letter in response to a letter to the editor of the Breckenridge Journal which I have included.  I guess my solemn oath to keep a low profile when moving to Breck has been completely shattered and I haven't even moved there yet!  The letters concern drug testing which was recently initiated in Breck ski resort (the ski area and town are two separate entities) by the new owner Ralston Purina Company.  If you've ever eaten at a warming hut at the top of a ski mountain, their ownership would be apparent.

I have now arrived in Duluth, Minnesota after having just left Fairdale, North Dakota.  I have been traveling at a snails pace, smelling the flowers one by one by one by one by one.  After showering in some two or three dozen campgrounds I've decided that I must have been subjected to every contagious disease presently known to mankind.  Not to worry thought since I've probably developed an immunity by now.

My last two 'sights' I visited were a cave full of 'stalactites' and 'mites' in Keystone, South Dakota where I toured the Goldstake gold mine in Lead, South Dakota where as well as being the largest and oldest producing gold mine in the western hemisphere, also contained the longest conveyor belt system (63,000 feet long) in the world.  Among the interesting facts learned there were that in the gold 'melding' section, they have employees wash their bodies, hair and clothing before and after working.  All of the wash water is then filtered where find gold dust which may have been on an employee's body or clothing is caught.  Needless to say this facility is guard-gated and just through this wash and filtering process over $100,000 in gold dust is collected annually.

From there I took off to North Dakota where a 1993 vehicle code was written which states that when passing Allen, said vehicle, you must obey the following laws.  The said passing vehicle must pass only when approaching a hill with absolutely no visibility of approaching traffic.  The passing vehicle must not exceed 1.25 m.p.h. in excess of the Williams vehicle and must wait till the serial number of the left headlight of the oncoming vehicle is legible before cutting back into original lane while leaving a 6" maximum or .00015" minimum space between point A and point B of said vehicles.
> Point A: Between front bumper of passing vehicle and front bumper of approaching vehicle.
> Point B: Between rear bumper of passing vehicle and front bumper of the Williams vehicle.

On reaching North Dakota I arrived in Fairdale which is a town of ninety people.  If two cars drive by in any given twelve hour period they immediately classify it as a parade.  The North Dakota people are absolutely the warmest and most compassionate people you could ever meet till you realize they are constantly espousing that four letter word.  That nasty, four word.  The one that on hearing your son or daughter use, you immediately grab the Zest for a mouth washing with that springtime freshness.  The four letter word that just makes your stomach turn.  Yes, that word is beef.

As a vegetarian, I felt like a cube of tofu in a kettle of beef stew.  In addition to carnivores, North Dakota is also famous for having the most wheat, rye and relatives per square mile than any other state in the union.  If I hear on more "Uf Da," I'm going to "Uf Da" off a tall building.  "Uf Da" is Norwegian for "oh no," "oh really," "oh my," "oh well" or "oh oh" depending on the emphasis being on the Uf or the Da.

Well, I'm off to Minnesota and then back down South for the next winter months.  I've really appreciated hearing from some of our friends through letters some of you have written while I've been gone.  For all of you warm and loving people may your cellulite never show and your checkbook always balance. 

To you who somehow in the hustle and bustle of a hectic lifestyle have just kinda forgot to send me a line.  May your air conditioner break down on July 4th weekend and your pool develop a severe case of algae.  May your bills when lined up end to end reach from Earth to Uranus three times and be featured in Guinness Book of World Records.

Adios from the 'free' amigos!  Allen

P.S. Marlene, I'd like to convey my sincere apologies in respect to as you so poetically put it 'pissing you off' by constantly writing you about all of my adventures on this trip.  I have never meant in any way to rub in the fact that as I am traveling the country, sleeping in till 10::00 a.m. or 11:00 a.m., basking in the noon day sun or sipping sweet burgundy wine in the moonlight surrounded by the reds, yellows and blues of the dancing embers in the campfire, you are working, cooking, washing dishes, walls, clothes or maybe even doing something even more fun and exciting like watching a rental tape of 'Bedtime for Bonzo" for the seventh time.  I would never want any of my friends to be envious and from now on will make a point of never mentioning how fun it is to see the States at such a carefree, leisurely pace.  To be all alone in the woods as the pastel sun sets without a care in the world or how happy I am to be moving to such a beautiful place as Breckenridge, and no, I don't even mind the snow, yet can hardly wait to walk down the hill sometime around noon while being warmed by the golden yellow Colorado sun, just in time to catch the Snow board World Cup Championships or some other World Class Event which is held each winter only eleven blocks from the house.  From now on I will only concentrate on the negatives of the trip, like having to watch my weight cause I don't get a lot of exercise just relaxing and soaking in the good life.  You have really touched me deeply and I would never, ever, ever want to 'piss you off' in such a manner again.  It's just that I don't know quite how to convey the deep sorrow that I feel knowing that you are upset so I guess for now it's just 'tough titty little kitty.'

Love, Allen

Above letter to the Breckenridge Newspaper
Thursday, September 2, 1993
author: Mitch Stillman, Silverthorne, (Breckenridge, Co. - local resident) 

Ski Areas Should Rethink Drug Testing

Editor:  When I was interviewed in this newspaper last week, I had used
the example of a ski area employee who spends his/her hard earned money
to travel someplace like Amsterdam (The Netherlands) and comes home three
weeks later only to fail a urine test and get fired.  For the record, let me state
that in The Netherlands marijuana is technically not legal, but is decriminalized
to the point where you can enter one of a thousand cafes, order a cappuccino
and look at a hashish and marijuana menu.  You may then taste any of the items,
decide which is your favorite, and purchase it.  The point is, if this employee
chooses to indulge in the lifestyle and economy of a country he/she is visiting
on "free" time, what does that have to do with job performance 2-4 weeks later?

The ski areas should reconsider their new urine testing policy for many reasons.
It is problematic, costly, and contradictory to the principles of freedom our
country was founded upon.

Apparently the Resorts do not have faith in their employees' ability to choose
between right and wrong, for they assume all employees are guilty until proven
innocent - that all employees are illegal drug users until they prove themselves
"drug free" by urinating in a cup.  The resorts do not seem interested in an
employee's right to privacy - for they not only want to know what you are
doing when you are not on the job, but they actually need to have someone
watch you urinate from the time you drop your jeans or lift up your skirt,
to the moment you hand over your valued specimen.  If this sounds ridiculous,
well, it is.  But it is necessary because a urine sample can easily be altered
several ways.  The most common external method to date is to add vinegar or
many other household items directly to the sample.  However, the best way
is to use a friends' "clean" urine held carefully under the armpit to approximately
body temperature.  For this method, an IV bottle with a tube is ideal and
foolproof - unless the "urine collector" is watching - like a BIG YELLOW
BROTHER.

All ski area employees should unite in protest to this degrading, dehumanizing
and Orwellian policy.  Since those who use illegal drugs and those who do
not are both considered guilty, both not being judged by on-the-job
performance but by what is done on vacation time, and both made to
urinate in front of someone - all should join together in flushing away urine
tests!  Tell Keystone, Breckenridge and Copper that as Americans you
will not stand for threats to your civil liberties.  Each resignation letter handed
in today will be a victory for the American way - a triumph for freedom.

Mitch Stillman, Silverthorne, (Breckenridge, Co. - local resident) 

Above letter to the Breckenridge Newspaper
Thursday, September 16, 1993
author: Allen Williams, Breckenridge, (Breckenridge, Co. - local resident) 

Drug Testing, Another View

Editor:  This letter is in response to Mitch Stillman's letter in the Sept. 2
Breckenridge Journal regarding drug testing of ski area employees.  A reference
is mentioned as to the legality of enforcement of laws in another country such
as The Netherlands.  This point is ridiculous.  The laws in another company, let
alone another state or country, are irrelevant as to the laws in the country in
which you reside.  This is something taught us while still in grade school.

He discusses the rights of privacy of an employee to do as he or she wishes
on their "free" time.  I believe I too have rights.  As a private citizen, I believe I
also have a right to be confident in knowing that my wife and children are safe
in the hands of a ski are employee - an employee who has not put them in
jeopardy due to his "free" time use of drugs.  Let us always remember that
no one has a right to do something on their own time whether it be free or
paid for which may cause injury or harm to another individual whom that
person may come into contact with.  This is true whether driving a vehicle
or doing a job in which that individual is getting paid to do safely and
responsibly.

One of the larger expenses a business bears is insurance on their
employees while on the job in the form of workers compensation
insurance.  This burden alone is a larger factor in determining the ticket
price we all have to pay as lift passes get more expensive each year.
If an employee wishes to go to work in a state not 100% sober,
then maybe that employee should also self-insure himself so we,
the consumers, don't have to bear the burden in case of accident
caused through their negligence due to their impaired faculties.  A
urine sample in a bottle seems a small price to pay for the deserved
safety of hundreds of thousands of ski area visitors who are in
essence paying that employee's salary.

As a one-time resident of a crime and drug-laden city like Los
Angeles, Calif., I do not want to hear of a person's rights when
breaking the law is involved.  You see, nobody has a right to use
illegal drugs on or off his "free" time, if only for the fact that they
are illegal, period!

Please respect my right to live in a county as beautiful as Summit,
in a community that is more concerned for the safety and welfare
of each other than their right to get high.

Allen Williams, Breckenridge, (Breckenridge, Co. - local resident)