On reading some of my past letters it has occurred to me that aside from genius ability, deep insight and incredibly proficient writing, they all have one common thread. Silliness and stupidity seems to be a recurring theme for which I am now feeling very much ashamed. After taking into account the serious issues which confront us daily and the embarrassment which I may one day face as a result of these letters, I've been tossing around the idea of stopping with the silly and stupid stuff.

You see I have come to an age where I realize that my goal and true life's ambition to 'reap more than I sow' may one day thrust me into a public, political career where these few silly letters may one day cause professional conflict. I thought, why take a chance with a reputation as untarnished and reputable as mine? Why risk even one small blemish on a slate that's been so totally unscathed thus far? With all this in mind, I said to myself "Ah, what the hell, life's too damn short" so please bear with me once again as I explore the boundaries of reality and give new meaning to the word absurd.

On finding no small town newspapers to write to this month, I have proceeded to jump down from my high horse, climb into my explorer and do what I'm supposed to do. Explore! Which is what I've been doing in a very economical way. Since I've stopped working, I've learned to be much more frugal than I was before. No more do I flash nickels, dimes and quarters auspiciously, squandering them on frivolous trinkets. No more do I splurge on jeweled bracelets, diamond tiaras and multiple gold Mercedes Benzes. At this time I am living more frugally, but in no way would I trade this life now for the past. I know I don't need and certainly don't miss the daily deadlines, pressures or stress associated with running a small business. I don't miss the employee related problems or the money. Oh, the money. Well maybe I miss the money just a teensy weensy bit. But not a lot mind you! Just a small itsy, bitsy, little teeny tiny (30% tax bracket) bit.

Traveling as I am seems to be a very economical way of seeing America. The overnight camping fees are ranging between $9.50 and $20.00 per night which includes full hook-ups (water and electricity.) For $20.00 a night I'm talkin' first class accommodations with all the extra frills like showers, toilets and water you don't have to pump. As far as the amenities are concerned, I've seen toasty warm bathrooms with heaters that actually work but showers that flow only ice cold. I've seen bathrooms with absolutely no heat at all but their showers may have had a wonderfully warm flowing water. The worst experience so far took place in a campground which due to legalities must remain nameless (Pla-Mor Campground in Nappanee, Indiana.) The facilities at these grounds were covered in spider webs which was an obvious warning. With no other alternative I apprehensively entered the room to brush, floss and spit. I was brushing my teeth stretching from three feet away so as not to touch any porcelain surfaces which are dark, stained and filthy. I'm standing in the middle of the room making like a watchman for any crawly things and on a second scan noticed a big, black, shiny, two inch spidy doing random pushups at a wall baseboard a few feet away. With this sighting I quickly completed my chores and headed back to the trailer for the evening, wondering what the morning shower might have in store for me. The next morning I packed up the trailer for the day's journey. I decided (completely lost my senses) to go ahead with my plans for a shower. The shower facility was reminiscent of an army barracks with shower stalls all painted gray with rusty, cement floors under rusted out shower heads. Inside each stall stood a 10" x 15" gray steel table. Another gray steel table standing no more than a foot off the ground was placed next to the sink which was once again crowned with a rusted out faucet. Above the sink was hung a 15" oval mirror left unframed. After removing my sweat top, I placed it on top of my bathroom supply bag which I stood up on the small steel table next to the sink. I slid the table to the center of the room and with a puff of shaving cream, lathered up. On first glance around the room it was thought to be spidy free and with a breath of relief I began to shave. No sooner did my eye glance into the mirror when a green backed arachnid of the worst kind crawls from behind the mirror and runs across it. With this, I decided a partially shaved face was a cool look and stripped down, entering the shower. Now shampooing your hair with glasses left on becoming constantly fogged is an accomplishment in itself, but I'm all the time scanning the shower cause I hate these creepy crawly things. I am finally rinsing the shampoo off and out of my right eye I spot another big black spider crawling across the bench making a beeline for my shoes. Seeing this I quickly reach down and flick my shoe off the bench where it lands in the center of the room. The spider was evidently attached to the shoe lace because at the same time, he goes flying inside the shoe. Just about this time I'm thinking "this can't possibly be happening to me" as I'm hopping in the middle of the room on one leg trying to put on each piece of clothing while shaking each piece out and trying not to touch the surface of the bathroom because I'm completely freaked out. Upon finally becoming completely dressed, I decide that these are not my favorite 'tennes' but are the only pair I brought with me so I pickup the shoe as the spider falls out onto the floor. Putting my best foot forward, I immediately put an end to this spiders future in spiderdom. I then grabbed my stuff and bid farewell to the world or arachnids, till sooner than I would know it, I would again make their acquaintance. My next stop was Lickford Campground in Indiana where I was met with no less than ten "Daddy Long Legs" the size of my fist! They were huddled around the bathroom light as well as scampering across the ceiling, floor and walls. It was from these two experiences that I've learned to pick my campground facilities more cautiously and hopefully won't be entering the world of arachnids none too soon.

My next fret full experience happened to me at Yogi's Jellystone Park in Wisconsin which is where the saga of "Where's Hopper II" began to unfold. On arriving to the grounds in the late evening I proceeded to go to the park rangers station where the sign read: late check in must deposit ten dollars in envelope before proceeding into park. Being the honest, trustworthy person I am, and thinking they'd catch me in the morning if I didn't, I obliged their request. For the following two days I found there to be nobody at the ranger station but as my funds were left untapped, I did not question this but instead considered it to be a good omen. The third morning as I was packing up the trailer to move on I noticed a green truck pulling a trailer out of the grounds. This at first didn't alarm me until I noticed the same green truck pulling another trailer out within the next ten minutes. I being known by many to be as sharp as a tack, soon surmised, "yeow, the rangers back!" Not wanting to be approached by such a rude man, I did what I thought the only fair and honorable thing under the circumstances. I packed the tent up, the cats in the car and jammed out of the campground like a bat out of H---. Just in a nick of time I might add. I felt I was home free until on reaching a point some ten or twelve miles away as I was wiping the sweat from my brow, I counted heads and noticed one head was missing. Since I was driving, I soon surmised, "yeow, a kitty is missing and I think it's Hopper!"

I immediately pulled over to the side of the road, unpacked half the car and were convinced upon further investigation that once again Hopper had tricked me and he somehow escaped while packing. I turned the vehicle around and knew I had to relive the crime, returning the ten miles, while retracing my steps leading me right back into the arms of Yogi, Boo Boo and the Park Ranger. Once again, I pulled the vehicle into the campground with all the subtle prowess of a white elephant pulling a hippopotamus. As I sashayed my way up aisle after aisle of empty as well as occupied campsites, feelings of hopelessness pervaded the car. I knew fully well that in all likelihood I may never again know the scent of Hopper using his litter box in the back of the car as I continued to probe deeper into the grounds holding only my heavy heart. On arrival at my old campsite #160 I noticed a small gray cat sitting graciously under the picnic table. A few feet closer and I knew for sure it was hip hop Hopper! With outreached arms Hoppy was gladly held and once again was mine to have and to hold till pests do we part. Being a perfect parent I chose not to scold Hopper but yet explained that it was bad he snuck out of the car but that I was so very proud of him that he had waited some twenty minutes under the picnic table at the site for me to come back to him. I don't mean to brag but Hopper is definitely the smartest cat in America and Candy the most beautiful (I'll send pictures for your wallet.) I thanked my lucky stars for his safety but business was business so once again it was pedal to the metal and bye bye Boo Boo.

California: Sunshine warms the air filled with the sights and sounds of the city. You know the place. lots of smog, lots of traffic, lots of love from me to you.

Nevada: Miles of flat dirt with a few high mountains surrounding glitzy towns with stakes even higher than the mountains surrounding the glitzy town.

Utah: Containing Zion National Park as well as Bryce Canyon where God has truly done his handiwork in a spectacular way with shear vertical cliffs, multi-colored mountains, left untouched by human hands for millions of year. Their beauty leaves visitors in awe of their rugged stature and magnificent natural splendor with only one thought in mind, "I wonder what strings I'd have to pull to get me a nice view lot on the top of one of them colorful cliffs?"

Colorado: Natural beauty that knocks your socks off. More time spent by locals in prayer to the God of Gortex than any other activity. So they pass silly laws, give them a break, they aren't all bad, just the ones who voted and that's probably only 15%.

Wyoming: A yippy I ya home for the yippy I ya buffalo to yippy I ya roam. Yee Haw!

South Dakota: Very very close, extremely close to North Dakota

North Dakota: One row of wheat, one barley, one rye, etceteras, etceteras, etceteras.

Minnesota: Green, green, green is all the cash they suck in at the Mall of America. A mall the size of Encino with an amusement park inside.

Wisconsin: Great lakes, great cheese, great cholesterol balls of fire, whadda place!

Indiana: Filled with Amish towns where disco is truly dead! I could live without plumbing, electricity or phones. I could commute by horse drawn buggy. But life without karaoke is where I draw the line.

Kentucky: Mammoth caves at 300 miles deep is the longest cave in the world. Abe Lincoln's log cabin, birthplace at 16' x 18' was exceptionally small for Presidential material. The most heavily treed and beautiful state I've seen so far. Two thumbs up for beauty.